literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
