I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
