I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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