oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
