me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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