and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
