i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
