Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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