I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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