Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
do nipples grow back?
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