so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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