I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
