I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
