i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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