New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize