it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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