i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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