how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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