You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
