This girl is more easily done than said...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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