I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
