how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize