You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
