What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
