just tell him i said nine months
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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