I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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