That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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