my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
