high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
