How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Randomize
