My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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