Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
