Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
