Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You can't motorboat a personality
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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