i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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