Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
