ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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