You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
