The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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