dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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