Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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