let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
we should paint friendship bongs
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