sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
