dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
