Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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