I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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