Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
