forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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