what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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