in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
