You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
