chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
