Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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