Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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