on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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