Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
