I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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