Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
