i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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