he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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