so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
tell me about the eggs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
