her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
