toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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