Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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