So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
