you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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